its all i dream about
You know when you’re little spoon and sleeping with someone and you wake up a little and scoot your butt and back towards them and they just so happen to be awake too and pull you in closer and you fall back asleep? Yeah. That.
how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”
*gets on tiptoes to whisper into dairy cow’s ear* why ya titty out
How short are you that you need to stand on your toes to talk to a cow?
Looks like we got ourselves a city slicker
Anonymous said: please help bro! my dude friend high fived me earlier while we were playing call of duty but he didn't say no homo!!! it was only a few seconds later that i realized and said it, but i'm worried that i was a few seconds too late. am i homo now? (also no homo for this ask because asking advice is kind of gay bro lol)
it is too late. soon you will be full homo. i’m sorry to have to tell you this. i will miss you, brother
*single tear* no homo